Dariel's World

Hi. I'm Dariel Raye, an interracial/multi-cultural paranormal romance, urban fantasy, and psy/suspense author, and every day of this journey is a learning experience. I'm also a counselor, musician, and animal lover. My stories are about all-conquering love and romance, and I enjoy hosting other authors as well. Enter a world where werewolves, vampires, multi-shifters, vamp-like Nephilim, Vodouin Fey, and all things paranormal capture our hearts...

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Thursday, September 29, 2011

Banishing the Scene Stealer: Show, Don't Tell

Let’s just jump right in. Think of our stories as movies. How do we convey the same excitement and garner the same involvement from our readers? By showing instead of telling. Here’s an example of telling:

The two people had just met – or so it seemed. They exchanged words. It was obvious that she was furious with him as she turned her back and started to walk away. Suddenly, he wrapped his arms around her waist, pulled her around to face him, and suctioned his lips to hers. The crowd went wild.

Sound interesting? Obviously there’s some interest between these two characters, right? What about this one?

“H-hi.” Her voice wavered a bit as she stood facing him.
“Hey.” He smiled tentatively. “H-how are you?”
She took a deep breath, steadied herself, and plunged. “How am I?” She kept her voice low. This was nobody’s business but theirs. “I am pissed. That’s how I am. Do you really think I planned this? That I wanted this? You landed on my turf, did God only knows what to me with your, your unreal green eyes,, disappeared, and now you, you, you think you can just walk away?…Oh! Go back wherever in hell you came from!” Iris took a step back from him. She had to get away and forget about all of this.
One moment she was turning to walk away, the next she was flush against him.Gideon. She opened to him instinctively as he foraged her mouth – a searing kiss of ownership. So he didn’t want to walk away after-all. Good. Right now she just wanted more of this.
Somewhere, she heard the dull echo of a crowd cheering and opened her eyes. That’s when she remembered she was about to allow Gideon to have his way with her at the observatory with 30 pairs of middle school eyes bearing witness to her madness.
                                                                                  Excerpt from draft of The Alerians: Gideon

Same story, different style. The first paragraph is telling, and although it’s not the worst telling incident I’ve seen, it’s still a no-no. Whenever we can show instead of tell, using dialogue, more action, etc., that’s better writing. Long narrative is dull and breaks the flow of the story. A little tip that I like to use is to think of your novel, novella, or short as a movie. Within the movie there are scenes and within each scene there are acts. Telling instead of showing is like having a narrator step into the scene in the middle of an act and start telling you what’s happening. We want our readers to see, hear, smell, and feel our characters as much as possible, and as writers we draw them into the story through dialogue, action, and minimal description or narrative.         


Tuesday, September 20, 2011

New Series Blurb: "The Alerians"(wip)

Just submitted the beginning of my new series, "The Alerians," to a publisher for consideration. The name of this one so far is "Jordan's Wings." There are three more in the works already about a race of warriors who are the descendants of the Nephilim. Only one female Alerian is born to every 500 males. Wouldn't that be nice! Anyway, imagine the possibilities and consequences. As each warrior's story is told, I'll give you more of the "big" story behind it. Here's the blurb. Tell me what you think.

Jordan is a sexy, strong BBW with a no-nonsense attitude, but when she meets a tall, gorgeous, steel-gray-eyed hunk with wings who looks like an angel but defintely doesn't act like one, unexpected, unimaginable things begin to happen.

Jacoby’s been alive more than 200 years, yet he’s only seen a female once. He’ll have to break the most sacred law of his brothers, abandon everything familiar to him, and stay two steps ahead of a special force of law enforcers to capture the heart of the woman meant for him - and wouldn't you know that woman is Jordan. As if all of that isn’t enough, he’ll need her blood to stay alive.