We generally speak of freedom in its broader sense –
national freedom, freedom from slavery, freedom from abuse and oppression,
freedom to believe as we choose, to partake of whatever religion we choose (or
not), and the list is endless. What about the freedom to be who we are? I know
– you’re thinking, what a silly question, but when you really think about it,
one of our greatest challenges is to live our lives outside the rules forced on
us by our loved ones, families, religious upbringing, gender expectations, even
society as a whole. Often unspoken, these rules become a part of us – play into
our choices, even direct major life decisions before we even realize we have
become imprisoned by them. In fact, if we are not careful, we find ourselves in
our 40’s or 50’s wondering how the hell we got into the mess we’re in.
Despite a master’s degree in psychology and years of
experience as a therapist in mental health, substance abuse, and college/career
counseling, my realization did not come until well into adulthood as I listened
to my clients– a reoccurring theme - nearly every decision most adults make is
influenced by the values and expectations of our parents. I would add friends
to that list of influences, but actually, even these choices are often
influenced by parents. As an introverted, artsy youngest child, I managed to
escape a great deal of assimilation, but over time I came to realize that some
of the stifling, freedom-sapping values and fears of my loved ones had managed
to imprint themselves despite my individuality and apparent lack of concern for
what others thought.
Although
some of us have a special place in our hearts for “bad girls” or “bad boys,” we
cannot deny the innate desire to have our parents’ approval even in this very
personal arena. Beliefs about who we are, what we are capable of accomplishing,
and what constitutes success in our lives is too often determined by life
influences over which we had no control. We did not choose our family members,
and a large part of establishing real independence and freedom only comes when
we reevaluate beliefs and make conscious choices about what we value, and
develop our own definition of personal happiness and success.
So
my challenge to you this Independence Day is to reevaluate your life choices,
make sure they’re yours and no one else’s, and develop a list of new goals
uniquely you. Your list can be as long or as short as you like, but your goals
should be set within the next year. Doesn’t mean you have to complete the goal
within the year, but get started – take the necessary steps to reach the goal
as soon as possible. They can be big or small, but they must originate with
you. Take control over the influencers in your life. That is, choose mentors
and friends who support you and your dreams. There is no greater gift you can
give yourself than spending some time getting to know and love yourself more, surrounding
yourself with more positive energy, and planting your feet on the path to
personal happiness. This is freedom. It’s a personal thing. Happy Independence
Day!
Comments
However, for big life choices (job, fun, spouse/partner) do have to be your own if you want to find happiness. It's always good to do a self-assessment and make sure we are headed where we really want to go. Nice post.
I hope you had a wonderful Independence Day!
Again, wonderful insight, wonderful post.